Cruddy Little Kitchen

Lemon Icebox Pie Lemon Icebox Pie (eggless) recipe 1 8-oz block cream cheese, room temp 1 14-oz can sweetened condensed milk 1/2 cup fresh or bottled lemon juice Zest of two lemons vanilla wafer pie crust in a pie pan Using a cheap, light hand mixer, cream the cream cheese until smooth. Add the sweetened condensed milk -- NOTE: NOT EVAPORATED MILK!!! -- and cream the two together until smooth. Add the lemon juice and lemon zest, and mix until fully incorporated and smooth. Pour into a prepared cookie crumb pie crust of your choice (wouldn't dark chocolate wafer cookies be an interesting choice?), and chill overnight. This is not your Mama's lemon ice box pie recipe. Your Mama may have used raw egg yolks to thicken an Eagle-Brand-and-lemon-juice mixture. And there ain't nothin' wrong with that, exactly, but I am just a little too squeamish to put up with such glib trust in the American food source system. I'm not saying The Man is out to get us. I'm just saying I...

Vanilla Wafer Pie Crust recipe 1.5 cups cookie crumbs 1/3 cup melted butter Step 1: Pulverize some crisp, dry cookies like vanilla wafers, ginger snaps, store-bought-and-shelf-stable oatmeal cookies, animal crackers, shortbread cookies, or (yuck) graham crackers. Estimates vary on how many cookies to start with because cookie sizes differ so much, but start with 30-35 vanilla wafers or graham crackers. Measure after pulverization. Add more cookies as needed, or remove some crumbs for garnish and/or snacking later on. Step 2: Cut up a third of a cup of butter into a few pieces and put it in a microwave-safe measuring cup. Melt it in the microwave VERY CAREFULLY. I exploded a third of a cup of butter this time. It made a huge mess and was a waste of money that no one can afford in the middle of a pandemic. Start with 25 seconds and add more time in 5-second increments to avoid my errors. Stop melting when there are only a couple of little pieces of very soft butter left swimming in the c...