Skip to main content

A cruddy little kitchen, a lifetime of loving food


I was looking for a recipe. You know, like everyone else every day everywhere in the world, I wanted something tasty for dinner. I had salmon. I had old tried-and-true salmon recipes I've used happily in the past. I just wanted something different.
So I Googled "honey bourbon salmon." This is a thing I've seen on menus. Sounds great. I can make that, can't I? I have honey, I have bourbon; I have salmon. I can make this!

Then I spent an hour slogging through a half dozen recipe blogs with long stories, beautiful photographs, freestyle poetry singing the praises of farm-raised salmon -- or wild-caught salmon -- or canned salmon -- and all of it took ten to fifteen minutes to load out here in the boonies because all of those popular, beautiful recipe blogs were monetized. Ads flashed. Clickbait beckoned. Video players popped up and disembodied hands cracked eggs into stainless steel bowls.

I scrolled down, ever downward, ever onward, trying to get past the homilies and dancing wooden spoons and commercials for name brand convenience products I probably can't afford, and when I finally got the actual recipe, it turns out I needed turmeric or tarragon or Hungarian sweet paprika, and I don't even know if Hungarian sweet paprika is the same as the "paprika" I got at Walmart last month. I just wanted a recipe, not a timeshare spiel, y'know?

So I got mad and called my sister and asked her if I could start my own dang cheap ass recipe blog, and she said yes.

So here we are.

My kitchen is truly cruddy. The dishwasher broke years ago, and I can't afford to replace it. My son tried to replace it, but the delivery people from Home Depot looked at our wiring and our plumbing and noped right out of here. Not even making that up. Our house is paid for, but that means it's affordable, and affordable really means "cruddy." 

The range is a 17-year-old electric with ceramic top. Sometime ago, the oven door fell apart and we had to order parts to replace it. My husband repaired it. My husband is a very nice fellow, but he is not exactly what you would call "handy." MOST of the parts went back into/onto the oven door. There are smoke stains from when he ran the "cleaning" mode one time without even making an attempt to sweep out the crumbs and crud from the inside. The whole house was full of smoke that time. It was... eventful.

The cabinets are falling apart. They were cheap to begin with, installed sometime in 1991 or 1992. My children grew up beating the hell out of these cabinets. The lazy susan cabinet in the corner doesn't even close any more. Drawers are glued and bungee-corded back together when they fall apart. I have replaced two knobs; the rest are really ugly.

I don't want to talk about the flooring. At least I don't cook on the flooring.

There's a terrible side-by-side refrigerator which I loathe. It's 9 years old, and I hope every day that it will die so I can drag its carcass outside and set it on fire. The ice maker broke the first year. The drawers in the fridge side are breaking more and more every day. As dog is my witness, I will never buy another side-by-side refrigerator again. 

So if I post photos with my recipes, and you think, "OMG, that kitchen really is cruddy," then you know it's truly mine. It's truly cruddy. And I will never sell my soul to an advertiser to get a decent kitchen. I have too much integrity for that. If I can make great food in a wretched setting, you can, too. And you don't have to wait for the ads to load.

I promise.

Sincerely,
Bay
Labels:
Location: Tennessee, USA

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fabulous Turkey Brine

 Fabulous Turkey Brine 3/4 cup kosher salt 1/3 cup sugar 2 Tbsp whole coriander seeds 1 Tbsp fennel seeds 1 tsp crushed red pepper flakes 4 cloves garlic, crushed 3-4 bay leaves 2 carrots, diced 2 celery stalks, diced 1 onion, diced (or half of one onion plus 1-2 shallots, diced) 2 gallons cool water A 12 to 21-pound turkey Combine the vegetables, aromatics, herbs, salt, and sugar with the 2 gallons of water in a large vessel (21-quart pot for a small turkey, 5-gallon bucket for a large one). Stir. Add turkey. Ensure the breast is under water -- employ weights if necessary. (A foil-covered brick has been known to make itself useful in such circumstances in my kitchen.)  Brine for 2 to 3 days. Remove the turkey from the brine the night before Thanksgiving. Pat dry and -- ideally -- chill the turkey in the refrigerator, uncovered, to allow the skin to dry out overnight. Dry turkey skin gets browner during cooking. Follow the directions on the turkey's packaging for the actual co...
1 comment
Read more

Homemade Cranberry Sauce

Cranberry Sauce  12 oz. fresh cranberries, washed and drained 1 1/2 cups granulated sugar 1/4 to 1/3 cup water 1 1/2 cinnamon sticks 1/2 tsp ground allspice 1/4 tsp ground nutmeg The zest and juice of one small-to-medium orange Pick through the cranberries carefully to remove the squishy/bad ones. Rinse and drain. Combine cranberries, sugar, allspice, nutmeg, cinnamon sticks, and water in a medium pot. Bring the mixture to a boil over medium heat. Reduce to simmer; cook for 5 to 7 minutes. Add the orange juice and zest, then allow the sauce to cool before serving at room temperature. Refrigerate leftovers; sauce will be good for 10-12 days. I never even liked cranberry sauce until I tried this recipe. Neither did my husband. My mother-in-law used to send us searching for an orange cranberry relish at grocery stores all over Knoxville -- I only found it twice, but when I did find it, I bought her three containers of it.  This recipe is so good, I cannot imagine having Thanksgiv...
2 comments
Read more

No-bake Cookie Pie Crust

Vanilla Wafer Pie Crust recipe 1.5 cups cookie crumbs 1/3 cup melted butter Step 1: Pulverize some crisp, dry cookies like vanilla wafers, ginger snaps, store-bought-and-shelf-stable oatmeal cookies, animal crackers, shortbread cookies, or (yuck) graham crackers. Estimates vary on how many cookies to start with because cookie sizes differ so much, but start with 30-35 vanilla wafers or graham crackers. Measure after pulverization. Add more cookies as needed, or remove some crumbs for garnish and/or snacking later on. Step 2: Cut up a third of a cup of butter into a few pieces and put it in a microwave-safe measuring cup. Melt it in the microwave VERY CAREFULLY. I exploded a third of a cup of butter this time. It made a huge mess and was a waste of money that no one can afford in the middle of a pandemic. Start with 25 seconds and add more time in 5-second increments to avoid my errors. Stop melting when there are only a couple of little pieces of very soft butter left swimming in the c...
2 comments
Read more