Cruddy Little Kitchen

Lumpy Chicken Salad 2 to 2.5 cups cooled rotisserie chicken, pulled off the bone and chopped into 1/2" dice 3/4 cup light mayonnaise 3 to 4 Tbsp Dijon mustard 2 to 3 Tbsp light Italian dressing 1/2 cup small diced celery 1/3 cup red grapes halved (quartered if they're very big) 1/4 to 1/3 cup chopped pecans 1/3 cup Honeycrisp apple, peeled and 1/2" diced scant 1/4 cup green onion, greens sliced diagonally Salt & pepper to taste Optional: diced red pepper, dill pickle relish Combine the ingredients, chill for 2-3 hours, serve. Delicious and easy! My friend Erik reminded me today that it's too dang hot to cook in the kitchen right now, and he is absolutely right. When July takes over the Cruddy Little Kitchen, I take the toaster oven outside to the porch for anything that needs to be baked. I run an ugly orange extension cord out there and use electric tape to try to make sure nothing gets electrocuted if a thunderstorm blows the rain sideways toward the toaster ove...

Easy Pork Chops & Gravy recipe 5-6 pork chops 1 can Cream of Mushroom soup ½ envelope dry onion soup mix Worcestershire sauce 1 cup water Salt, pepper, flour Salt, pepper, and flour the pork chops. Turn on your favorite burner to a high medium heat -- 6.5 or 7, in other words. In batches, brown the chops in a couple of tablespoons of oil in a well-greased cast iron skillet. In a bowl, mix together the cream of mushroom soup, the half envelope of onion soup mix, cup of water, and several dashes of Worcestershire sauce. Return pork chops to skillet; pour soup mixture over, raising the chops a bit to allow the mixture to get all around the pork chops. Turn the burner down to medium-low (3), cover, and cook for one hour. Check frequently to ensure even cooking of the pork chops; add water as needed 1 tablespoon at a time; may add a little Worcestershire sauce as needed, too. Serve with mashed potatoes and green beans. My sister called me long distance from Ellicott City, Maryland, to t...

Chicken & Dressing Casserole 3-lb. chicken, cut up (or rotisserie chicken)* (onion, salt, and poultry seasoning)** 1 can cream of mushroom soup*** 1 cup mayonnaise 1 or 2 cans of sliced water chestnuts, drained 2-3 cups dry herb stuffing mix (like Pepperidge Farm, not like Stove Top Stuffing) Boil the chicken along with one small sliced onion, salt, and a fistful of poultry seasoning. Skim off any scum that forms. Boil gently for one hour. Remove from heat; remove the chicken from the stock and set aside to cool. Set aside a cup or so of the liquid from the chicken; make sure you get some of the fat in there. Strain the liquid and save it as stock, if you wish, for other uses. Discard the solids that you strained off. When the chicken is cool, remove the flesh from the bones and skin, and pull it apart into bite-sized pieces. Set aside. Discard the bones and skin. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. In a 9x13" casserole dish, combine the canned soup, mayo, water chestnuts, and a ...

Homegrown Tomato, Cucumber, and Corn Summer Salad 1 large homegrown tomato, ripe, chopped 2 Kirby cucumbers, chopped 1-2 ears fresh ears of corn, kernels sliced off the ears Mayonnaise Apple cider vinegar Pinch of sugar Kosher salt & pepper to taste Mix about a third of a cup of mayonnaise with about 2-3 tablespoons apple cider vinegar in a bowl. Add a pinch of sugar and salt & pepper to taste. Taste the dressing before you add the vegetables.  Chop up a large, ripe, homegrown tomato -- Better Boy, Cherokee Purple, whatever you've got. This recipe does not work with store-bought, mass-produced tomatoes. Chop up a couple of Kirby cucumbers or half of an English cucumber. Slice the kernels off of 1-2 ears of corn. Add the vegetables to the dressing in the bowl, stir to combine. Cover and chill until dinner is ready. This salad holds for a day or two, but it's best when fresh. The vegetables are sweet and crunchy; the dressing is creamy and tangy; it's a match made in ...

Melon Salad 3 cups watermelon balls (or chunks) 3 cups cantaloupe balls (or chunks) 3 Tbsp chopped fresh basil 3 Tbsp chopped fresh mint 1/3 cup fresh or bottled lemon juice 1/3 cup simple syrup Combine the melon chunks in a bowl.  In a food processor or blender, combine the basil, mint, lemon juice, and simple syrup.  (To make simple syrup, boil together equal amounts of water and sugar, and allow that to cool. Very important! Do not add hot simple syrup to the blender; it'll cook the basil and turn it black, which is not appetizing at all.) Blend/process the basil, mint, lemon juice, and cool simple syrup for a minute until thoroughly combined. The dressing will have lovely little green flecks all through it. Pour over the melon balls, stir to combine. Refrigerate for several hours so that the dressing thoroughly soaks into the melon. (The cantaloupe takes longer to soak it in; otherwise, you could serve this salad the moment you make it.) I can't tell you how much we love t...

Marinated Asparagus recipe 1 pound asparagus 1 tablespoon finely chopped red onion 1 tablespoon vinegar - sherry or red wine 1 teaspoon lemon juice 1/2 teaspoon Dijon mustard Salt and pepper to taste 3 tablespoons olive oil Wash and prep the asparagus by breaking off the woody ends of the stalks. (Annnnnnd discarding the woody ends. Almost forgot that part.) Drain and pat dry.  Prepare the diced red onion by putting it in the vinegar and lemon juice to begin breaking down. Steam the asparagus in a steamer or a steaming basket over boiling water for 4 to 7 minutes. Do Not Over Cook. You want the spears to be crisp-tender, not flabby. Whisk together the vinaigrette ingredients: Red onion, red wine vinegar, lemon juice, Dijon mustard, salt & pepper, and drizzle in the olive oil while whisking to emulsify the dressing/marinade. When the asparagus is steamed, put it in a dish that allows it to lay flat -- rectangular, oval, whatever you like. Pour the vinaigrette over the asparagus,...

Easy Steaks with Even Easier Steak Sauce 4 modest steaks*, 6-7 oz. each, 1 to 1.5" thick 2 green onions, thinly sliced, whites and greens separated 3 Tbsp ketchup 1 Tbsp brown sugar 2 Tbsp low-sodium soy sauce 2 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce 1 Tbsp wine vinegar (sherry, white wine, red wine, etc.) Salt & pepper Olive oil Remove the steaks from the refrigerator 30-40 minutes before you plan to cook them. (So if you started baked potatoes 20 minutes ago, now is the time to take the steaks out.) Dry them off with paper towels -- gently, use a patting motion -- and salt and pepper them liberally. Set them aside while they come up to temp.  Maybe now is a good time to slice up the green onions and measure the other stuff. When the steaks are at room temperature, combine the ingredients for the sauce (whites of the onions, ketchup, brown sugar, soy sauce, Worcerstershire, wine vinegar, and a pinch of salt and pepper) in a bowl or measuring cup. (I use my Pyrex measuring cups a lot. They...

Lemon Icebox Pie Lemon Icebox Pie (eggless) recipe 1 8-oz block cream cheese, room temp 1 14-oz can sweetened condensed milk 1/2 cup fresh or bottled lemon juice Zest of two lemons vanilla wafer pie crust in a pie pan Using a cheap, light hand mixer, cream the cream cheese until smooth. Add the sweetened condensed milk -- NOTE: NOT EVAPORATED MILK!!! -- and cream the two together until smooth. Add the lemon juice and lemon zest, and mix until fully incorporated and smooth. Pour into a prepared cookie crumb pie crust of your choice (wouldn't dark chocolate wafer cookies be an interesting choice?), and chill overnight. This is not your Mama's lemon ice box pie recipe. Your Mama may have used raw egg yolks to thicken an Eagle-Brand-and-lemon-juice mixture. And there ain't nothin' wrong with that, exactly, but I am just a little too squeamish to put up with such glib trust in the American food source system. I'm not saying The Man is out to get us. I'm just saying I...

Vanilla Wafer Pie Crust recipe 1.5 cups cookie crumbs 1/3 cup melted butter Step 1: Pulverize some crisp, dry cookies like vanilla wafers, ginger snaps, store-bought-and-shelf-stable oatmeal cookies, animal crackers, shortbread cookies, or (yuck) graham crackers. Estimates vary on how many cookies to start with because cookie sizes differ so much, but start with 30-35 vanilla wafers or graham crackers. Measure after pulverization. Add more cookies as needed, or remove some crumbs for garnish and/or snacking later on. Step 2: Cut up a third of a cup of butter into a few pieces and put it in a microwave-safe measuring cup. Melt it in the microwave VERY CAREFULLY. I exploded a third of a cup of butter this time. It made a huge mess and was a waste of money that no one can afford in the middle of a pandemic. Start with 25 seconds and add more time in 5-second increments to avoid my errors. Stop melting when there are only a couple of little pieces of very soft butter left swimming in the c...

Creamy Dijon Coleslaw Dressing (by Ina Garten) (sorta) 1/2 cup mayonnaise 2 heaping Tbsp Dijon mustard scant 1/2 Tbsp sugar 2 Tbsp white wine vinegar (or Prosecco vinegar, or champagne vinegar) 1/2 tsp celery seeds 1/4 tsp celery salt (couple of dashes, really) Pinch of kosher salt A few grinds of pepper Whisk ingredients together and add a bag of your favorite cole slaw mix.  Today's picture is of "Southern diced" slaw, but this dressing is fine with angel hair slaw and vegetable slaw and broccoli slaw and tri-color slaw ... any slaw you can think up, actually. It really did start with an Ina Garten recipe. Hers used a lot more mayonnaise, less Dijon, and a little dab of apple cider vinegar. And it was fine like that, honest. I had just been using the same apple-cider-vinegar-heavy recipe for several years, and I wanted a change of pace. And a change of vinegar. The second or third time I made it, I had Prosecco vinegar on hand, and I ran out of mayonnaise, so I added mo...

Many years ago, my husband was crazy about watching Emeril Lagasse on the Food Network. Emeril had a live audience and a jazz trio, and he would make food and yell, "BAM," and he threw salt around with wild abandon, and I was pretty much horrified the whole time. Hey, I was still trying to learn to cook. I didn't know a lot, and I didn't know the difference between table salt and kosher salt. So when Emeril started adding salt to a pot of boiling water, or a skillet of pork chops, or, well, anything, I thought it was too much salt and it would chap my lips if I tried to eat it, and I was seriously annoyed with Emeril Lagasse's salt habit. (Now is not the time to touch on how much cayenne pepper or hot sauce Emeril employed. That's a rant for another day.) I also remember when I was writing for scrapbooking magazines, back in the hey day before 2006. There was a tutorial for how to make interesting backgrounds with watercolor paints and glossy paper. One of the...

Cucumber Sandwiches 1 8-oz pkg cream cheese, softened ¼ cup mayonnaise ¼ tsp garlic powder ¼ tsp onion salt 1 dash Worcestershire sauce 1 loaf sliced bread, crusts removed Lemon Pepper seasoning 1 cucumber, peeled intermittently and sliced Peel the cucumber prettily (skipping some strips of green), and slice thinly. Place cucumber slices in one layer on paper towels. Cover with more paper towels and press lightly. Allow the cucumber slices to drain for 10 minutes. In the meantime, mix cream cheese, mayo, garlic powder, onion salt, and Worcestershire sauce in a small bowl. Spread this mixture on one side of every slice of bread. After the cucumber slices have drained, place slices on one piece of bread. Sprinkle Lemon Pepper mixture on top of cucumber slices, then cover with another cream-cheesed piece of bread. At this point, you can cut up the sandwiches however you like. You can cut off the crusts if you want to. You can cut the sandwiches into four triangles or four squares, or you ...

Honey Bourbon Salmon ⅓ cup bourbon ⅓ cup honey 2 tablespoons brown sugar 2 ½ tablespoons low-sodium soy sauce 1 teaspoon brown or whole grain mustard 1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger 1 medium clove garlic, minced fine ¼ teaspoon red pepper flakes (or more if you like it hot) 1 tablespoon lime juice For the salmon: Four 6-ounce salmon fillets (or 1 pound salmon, cut into fourths) kosher or sea salt freshly ground pepper lime slices Line a sheet pan with 2 layers of foil for easy clean up. Spray the top layer with cooking spray or rub lightly with oil. Combine the bourbon, honey, brown sugar, soy sauce, mustard, ginger, garlic, and red pepper flakes in a saucepan. Bring the mixture to a boil over medium high heat, stirring continuously. Reduce the heat to medium and maintain a steady boil for about 7 to 8 minutes, stirring frequently until it's reduced by about half. At this point, the stuff will be the consistency of good maple syrup -- you know, not as sticky as the cheap "pan...

I was looking for a recipe. You know, like everyone else every day everywhere in the world, I wanted something tasty for dinner. I had salmon. I had old tried-and-true salmon recipes I've used happily in the past. I just wanted something different. So I Googled "honey bourbon salmon." This is a thing I've seen on menus. Sounds great. I can make that, can't I? I have honey, I have bourbon; I have salmon. I can make this! Then I spent an hour slogging through a half dozen recipe blogs with long stories, beautiful photographs, freestyle poetry singing the praises of farm-raised salmon -- or wild-caught salmon -- or canned salmon -- and all of it took ten to fifteen minutes to load out here in the boonies because all of those popular, beautiful recipe blogs were monetized. Ads flashed. Clickbait beckoned. Video players popped up and disembodied hands cracked eggs into stainless steel bowls. I scrolled down, ever downward, ever onward, trying to get past the homilies a...